I’ve had a pretty complicated relationship with yoga from the start. See this blog for details.
For the past several months I had been toying with the idea of doing Yoga Teacher Training in the spring. I know- what? Haven’t I made enough life-changing decisions recently? Well, I really wanted to deepen my yoga practice and I had always heard that going through teacher training was a great way to do that. It’s “expensive,” but comparatively a drop in the bucket when you consider how much I’ll be shelling out to go back to school.
I took a one month break from yoga back in August in an effort to explore some of my ~feelings~ around it and I came back in September with a renewed love for the activity. I thought all my complicated “yoga issues” were behind me, but I guess that wasn’t exactly true. I keep coming back to my idea that I have to be doing a certain type of yoga every day in order for it to “count.” If the class is only an hour long, it doesn’t count. If the yoga doesn’t make me sweat, it doesn’t count. If I’m doing yoga in my apartment and get sidetracked by my cats for a minute , then that doesn’t count as yoga either.
My studio that I have a membership to doesn’t offer hot yoga, but I kept hearing that hot yoga was the real “legit” yoga so I started paying separately to attend hot yoga classes at a nearby studio that I didn’t even like. It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I’m honest with myself, I really dislike hot yoga. Warm yoga, sure, but 98-100 degree yoga? No thanks. I was eventually able to convince myself how stupid it was to be wasting money on something I wasn’t even enjoying all in the name of becoming more of a “real” yogi.
What kind of yoga do I like? I like the variety of (non-hot!) yoga offered at my original treasured studio– sometimes that means a vigorous vinyasa flow and other times it means a slower more strength-focused hatha class. This is the studio I originally fell in love with and the one I keep coming back to after all my little breaks to find (get over?) myself.
The #yogaeverydamnday movement is strong, and I’ll admit I got sucked into it, thinking I needed to be doing X hours of real “legit” yoga every day in order to consider myself someone who was serious about yoga. Who’s to judge that anyway? Is someone who religiously does 2 hours of hot power yoga a day more serious than someone who does one hour of non-hot yoga most days? What if the person spending less time on the mat is the one who actually succeeds at bringing the principles of yoga into her/his life?
I’m so grateful for my amazing friend Emily for helping me realize that I don’t need to spend thousand of dollars on a teacher training to be able to appreciate the benefits of yoga in my life. I realized my fixation on becoming a “serious yogi” was actually fueling my eating disorder, and there’s no need or room for that right now. My Christmas yoga wish would be to figure out how to simplify the existence of yoga in my life, because I’m pretty sure yoga was never meant to be this complicated.
(This is my spiritually-minded cat Wendy practicing yoga. For the record, she’s not a fan of hot yoga either…)